YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LATINO IF...

• You have ever been spanked with chanclas.

• You know your mom is sneaking up on you because you can hear her chanclas on the linoleum floor.

• You get scared whenever someone mentions "el cucuuuuiii".

• You gone to the Pulga or Swapmeet every weekend for years. (Two points if you actually enjoy it!)

• You have gone to Tia's house and passed through the beaded curtain in the living room.

• You have plastic slipcovers on your sofas.

• You swear "Choco Mil" is the same as Slim Fast and try to lose weight by drinking it.

• You know at least one person in your family named Maria, Carlos, Papo, Juan, Jose, Tony, Tito or Luis.

• You not only know who Don Francisco from Sabado Gigante is, but you tell people he's your tio.

• You call: rug -carpeta; roof - rufo; parking -parking, libreria instead of biblioteca- or to knock - knockiar and chips-ruffles.

• You have ever had to "beepiar" a friend on their pager.

• You wear your Sunday best to do laundry at the laundry mat and do the grocery shopping.

• You go to a wedding or Quincieañera, gossip about how bad the comida is, but be the first to take a plato to go.

• You drink all beer with limon and salt. (Two extra points for a splash of Tapatio)

• You have a bottle of Tapatio in your purse.

• Your cousins are delinquents/hootchies.

• You have a chola in your barrio named "La Flaca: who's bigger than a house.

• You have a cousin named "Guero" who's darker than night.

• You know a chola named "La Shy Girl" who is loud and obnoxious.

• You need to point out how much something you just bought cost.

• You can dance merengue, cumbias and salsa without music.

• You go to at least 3 weddings a year.

• You use manteca instead of olive oil and can't figure out why your ass is getting bigger.

• You have sat in a two-passenger car with over seven people in it.

• You have a bottle of Bacardi or Tequila in your house right now.

• You have a picture of -Jesucristo- in your house.

• You have at least TWO statues of saints in your house (and a bonus point if one of them La Virgen de Guadalupe).

• You go to Church on Easter, Christmas and New Years just to see what everyone is wearing and find out all the latest chisme.

• You walk around saying -chacho-,-chacha-,-ay bendito- or -Buey-.

• You get another's attention by saying "chhh chhh" or "Pssssst."

• You drive a Cheby- (Chevy),an -Ohsmobeel-(Oldsmobile) or a Bolswahgon (VolksWagon)

• You call your sneakers -tenis- .

• Your car has fifteen speakers in it and you fix it every weekend.

• And last, but not least... Your grandmother thinks she has the miracle cure for everything.